How could I NOT take this pic for genuinelie ?

Now featuring Ken as Mr. Spock and as James T. Why yes, they are an attractive couple, complete with stereotypical effeminant poses, and gestures and makeup applied just so... Maybe Barbie is also a card-carrying yaoi fangirl. Wait a sec... we all know what Ken is packing under those trousers and lemme tell ya, it ain't much... Scary that these are available in the Barbie aisle.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AKI!

It was a dark and rainy night, the wind was blowing, leaves skittered across our path as the raucous sounds of tiny evil minions scampered door to door in all directions extorting tributes in the form of sugar laden treats...

Quick and quiet Halloween this year thanks to the rain. Lit the jack-o-lanterns, started the fire, lit the incense (it fills my yard on this night alone), then took up trick or treat duty. I'll tell ya, I have the most polite kid in the world. At every door they said the magic words, then said thank you and Happy Halloween in the most infectious, exuberant manner. Whose kid IS this?!

My fire fizzled in the downpour though. The pumpkin pics are less than spectacular. the pumpkin seeds were tasty though! As was and is the case of hard cider I bought as well. 

( Here Be Werewolf )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY-dXsR_ZFg

Okay... I'm woman enough to admit it... this trailer makes me cry.

I love the book. Decorated my baby daughter's room from the book. Have all of the McFarlane toys. I'm such a nostalgic wuss...

As soon as I saw the trailers for this I knew I had to see it. Yes, it is a Peter Jackson Movie and yes it has aliens in it. I know plenty of you see the name and your ears perk up but the 'alien' stigma makes you go 'no thanks'.

I am telling you - reconsider.

Do you remember that point in The Matrix (for those of you who were old enough to have seen it in the theater in those first few days after release...) when Neo went down the rabbit hole - when the whole premise of the movie flipped you on your head, kick you in the jaw and made you go 'guh'? I'll never forget the sound of a totally silent, dumbstruck audience. I mean I was in a PACKED theater on a Saturday night and as soon as Morpheus holds up that battery and changes Neo's entire world  - there was no rustling of feet on the floor, no crunching popcorn, no slurping sodas or teenage kids murmuring among themselves in the back row. It was movie soundtrack and nothing else - not even breathing, it seemed.

District 9 did the same thing. The only difference was that the audience hit the wall half way through and stayed that way right to the end. People silently shuffled out of the theater, dumbstruck, silent, contemplative. A good old slay 'em aliens big effects pic isn't supposed to do that. I kid you not - this movie made people question their own humanity. Question human kind as a race.

Now don't get me wrong - it had all the fun of a summer blockbuster. Aliens, big guns, big effects, great villians, sympathetic heroes. Plenty of splatter and plenty of expletives - but the sinister undercurrent of questioning our values as a society - the poignant juxtaposition of man as the aggressor seriously taxed quite a few people's minds.

Peter Jackson - you shall forever have my utmost respect. LoTR was an lifetime achievement but it has been argued that the depth and scope of the source material just gave a good filmmaker his wings. This movie just put you in an entirely new category. I bow to the master. So VERY well done.

Go see it. I implore you. I need others to geek out with over it!

http://www.parenfaire.com/

In talking with the fabulous ginnyvos  about Castlefest, me doth called up the Pennsylvania Ren Faire. Anyone interested? I'm looking at the Pirate Weekend and the Childrens weekend, for my kidling of course... wait... there's TWO pirate weekends - yo ho!

You know - some days it just doesn't pay to breathe...

And today wasn't particularly bad either. The past few days have kinda congealed into a solid 'bad day'. I finally went to the doctor for my yearly tuneup. I do not have a definitive diagnosis of Fibromyalgia but, through the process of elimination, there is nothing else it can be. I have been in pain for over 15 years with no cause and nothing else identifiably wrong with me. Its ok to not have a diagnosis because there's not really anything they can do anyway.  But, the pain was getting to me and some of it was a bit too consistent so it may be something actually amiss. So I xrayed and I'm seeing a chiropractor/physical therapist. My doc forewent the blood tests. How many times are they really going to test me for Lyme's disease and rheumatoid arthritis?

Anyway - I've been to physical therapy twice and wouldn't you know it - I hurt worse. The night after I am almost in tears I hurt so bad. Today in work I could barely move. I'll take the original pain, thank you. I go back tomorrow. Let's see what he makes of this development.

My boss is a tool. Who's boss isn't? I'm a boss. I must be a tool too. Anyway - I was basically told that I need to submit pictures when I place my emergency orders. Apparently huge orders and telling them I have empty tables isn't good enough because 'everyone says they have empty tables...".  So, I place the order 4 times and redirect it to an entirely different distribution center to try and get product but I wasn't 'clear' in what I needed? They just assumed I lied when I said 'EMPTY'? CYA. Cover. Your. Ass.  That is all anyone in business knows how to do.  Apparently I just do not have a big enough umbrella.
 
My man is... well... I'll spare you all details. Let's just say all that is acting up again.

I got myself a new camera this Spring and have barely used it. I'm going to force myself to remedy that. For some unknown reason my external drive isn't reading my disks. Once I get that figured out I may try photo journalling a bit.  I actually pass some very scenic stuff in my daily travels in and around Philly. I have this one view of the center city skyline that I just need to snap. Lots of pics from the safari too.

So - off to attempt some long overdue gardening. At this point its a weed patch -  not much garden left in there. I'll conquer it by Fall I'm sure.

I started this 4 times and got interrupted, timed out, blacked out... but perseverance has paid off.

WARNING: TMI on some of these. You are forewarned.

Words provided by:skyrat13  If you would like some words of your own, comment away.

Drawing
It was my life's ambition, my one true love. My degree is actually in Illustration. My horrible lack of self esteem (and a few other less pleasant happenstances) pretty much killed this dream in cold blood. The perfectionist in me always wanted to draw like... someone else. I never got comfortable in my own style, or with my own skills. I used to draw, paint, sculpt, throw, craft... I took a stab at almost every medium except glassblowing and weaving. Still dream about just picking up a pencil and sketching out what's in my head. Never let anyone fool you - drawing is nothing more than a skill. A learned formula of hand-eye coordination and practice practice practice. The 'talent' part comes in when decided WHAT to draw and how. Sadly enough, I have lousy hand eye coordination. How f'd up is that?

Music 
I have often categorized myself as a 'metalhead'. That's a good bit of what I did listen to when I was still young enough to be allowed to... but my actual music collection is fairly eclectic. I am very fond of ambient music. I have a big old guilty pleasure streak for Southern rock. 80's New Wave (not ALL of it...). Punk - the older and more raw the better - Long Live Joey Ramone! Got into some choice ska bands - old school. Toss in some classical, some tribal and some Celtic. I even listen to some bands NOT from the last century - not many but they are there. Too many one hit wonders these days. Too much whining. ' Nuff said.

Demons
Just another fond affection for all things of the dark side. I not only love how the imagery of demons has changed over the centuries but also what their true role is in mythology. True, it differs from culture to culture (and oddly enough ALL cultures have them) but always they are tempters - not always tricksters, or tormentors but, more often than not just that tiny voice in the back of someones mind that says ... 'well, why not?' The outright brutality is expected as the inflictors of the wrath of a jealous and vindictive god but the subtly that can also characterize them is what intrigues me the most. Besides, they are just cool... I have a pair of twins - incubus and succubus - OC's for a story that I started ages ago. Recently found my journals and notes on them. I did a whole lot more world building than I remember doing.

RPing
I'm a geek from back in the day. Tabletop D&D - it's where my online identity comes from. Check my AOL bio sometime - I left it as is from when I first signed onto AOL - back in '92 - just for nostalgia's sake.  A vicious little drow cleric played in Ravenloft of all places. I was storyteller for a 4 year Werewolf the Apocolypse game. Played lots of tabletop Marvel - the original rp from the late 80's - great, easy to use system. There were dabblings in other games but those above are the ones that stuck. I missed out on all the good LARP with White Wolf - it was in its infancy when I finally called it quits on RPing. I do still love the escapist-ness of a good rp though so I drifted back to it online. I miss my dice.

Cuddling
Oi. I have NO idea where this one came from! Online you'll get a *snuzzle* or *hugs* outta me but in RL I am NOT touchy feely in the least. In part because of the fibromyalgia because being touched usually just - hurts -  but just because I was never brought up that way. My parents were very hands off - I quite honestly don't even remember us saying 'I love you' to each other. Ever. While my mom was in the hospital dying of cancer, even then, it felt weird and uncomfortable to say it out loud.  I SWORE that would not be my daughters fate. I say it too her each and everyday every chance I get. Hug her tons. Just spoil the ever living shit out her really. I know that can be just as bad but screw it. She will KNOW without a doubt that I love her and it's ok to let everyone know it. I cuddle my daughter but that's about it. Much to the dismay of my husband. *sigh* TMI for something so simple and innocent as cuddling. Leave it to me to make a federal case out of nothing...

Okay... we took my daughter to 7-11 to get a Slurpee.. it's free Slurpee day dontcha know? The man and kidling go in, I stay in the car. Radio station plays White Zombie - More Human Than Human. LOVE White Zombie. Love that song so I crank it up, space out in my own little zombie world for a minute or two.

( In case y'all don't know...  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voT3jGWUh2o )

I look to my right, there is a kid in the car next to me, young 20 something --- staring... like, jaw on the ground disbelief staring... I half smile and say  'what?' (maybe it was too loud?)

"Are you really listening to that?"

"Ummmmm... yes." (dumbass - I'm sitting here with the radio blaring, singing along... )

"Wow... I... uh... I didn't know old people listened to that kind of music."

O_O

"I was in my 20's when this song came out. It's fifteen years old."

"Oh."

Scarred for rest of my  - apparently short - life. Someone shoot me now. Put me out to pasture. Get the walker and the Geritol.

Is there an age limit on music? Is there an 'over forty' page on iTunes? Am I gonna have to get some young punk to sign in for me so I can shop the young music section?

WTF?!

seems like thats all I use this thing for:

'Words associated with me' provided by genuinelie   If you would like to have 5 words of your own, comment away.

1. Red
As a color, I'm actually not all that fond of it. But, being a redhead is the most obvious reason. Not something I can exactly get away from, not that I didn't PRAY for my hair to change colors when I was little. First week of kindergarten I distinctly remember coming home crying, begging my mother to dye my hair brown like all the other kids because the teasing was so bad. As a teenager I associated with some questionable types. I was always singled out of that crowd because I was the most obvious suspect in a sea of brown hair. And usually not guilty. I've come to terms with my distinct genetics - I have embraced my inner redhead.

2. Minidress
Austin Powers. That's the first thing that comes to mind along with white blonde girls doing the Shag on a pedestal... Me? Minidress? ummmmmmm... I'm too much the tomboy. I haven't girlied myself up in a very long time. I don't even own a dress anymore.

3. Nursery (the plant kind)
It used to be a fun relaxing association - going to a garden center, travelling to several states in search of rare and exotic plants. Making your hobby your career kinda changes your perspective. I still love plants and if I had the time I would still spend entire days digging in the dirt, trimming shrubs, moving perennials, communing with nature on my hands and knees. Now that it is officially summer I am hoping to make more time for getting dirty on my own time. I have tomatoes to plant...

4. Ferrets
I think I know where this word came from... :D I used to breed ferrets. Was up to 22 at the height. Love the little weasels, connected with them on some metaphysical level. But, alas, the poor pet trade creatures are a sad case. It became too heartbreaking. I always associate ferrets with theives (they are the masters), a hold over from my tabletop rping days. I think they are in the pantheon of my totem creatures. If ever creatures embodied the joy of living, all members of the weasel family have an effortless knack for it.

5. Crawford (have to!)
Opposites attract. Early in my Weiss addiction I just KNEW that if I rp'ed anyone it would be Schu. The hair, the attitude, the casual disdain for others. I know his dilemma... he's going to stand out with the hair anyway so might as well go for it. If people are going to look lets give them something to look at. When I did get around to rping Weiss the only character ALWAYS available... was Brad. The total opposite of me personally, of my usual muses, of my usual rp characters in general. I wanted to play and fancy myself a lil bit of writer occassional so I took on Brad as a challenge. From my very first post, Brad just comfortably settled in. Forcing myself to think like Brad has done all sorts of wonderful things - he's my inner voice that reins in redheadedness. Now that I'm the corporate managerial type, I find Brad helping to orchestrate my day, keeping me organized and helping me make 'dispassionate' decisions - 'it's just business'  - I actually think I can say I grasp the concept now. Role play has always had strong achetypal connotations, giving live voice to the subconscious. I needed to be more focused, in control of my emotions, I needed to become a leader. I found Brad. Poor thing.
Thankfully, Brad is one of the least rounded out characters in WK. Little inconsistant tidbits in the anime have morphed Brad in fandom into an accountant, a humorless tyrannt, abusive, drole, boring, coldhearted and emotionless. I seriously doubt his character can even be extricated from fandom any longer, the character traits are so ingrained and persistant. I like my Brad with a bit more depth than that. Schuldig too. And, of course, together. Always. They make so much more sense together than any other pairing just based on canon.
You had to get me started... drae <3 Brad... but this you know.

It's the end of May - nearly the end of the mad Spring garden season rush. The worst part about working in the plant business is that it leaves you so tired and exhausted that you have no energy left to work your own gardens anymore. We are in a business that will do 90% of it's yearly profits in 3 months time. Not joking about those 15 hour days. But it will all be over soon and hopefully I will be able to get out there and pull some monster weeds, yank out the perennial sunflowers that are taking over the front bed, dig out the scotch broom that didn't make it over the winter, relocate the mountain laurel that is too big for its spot in front of my windows (and has been for years... not looking forward to the project and don't have the heart to just cut it down) and the bamboo... we don't want to talk about the bamboo...

New additions this year:
purple reblooming daylilies
a new green lace leaf japanese maple
Japanese dappled willow

Despite my neglect, the perennials are doing their job without me - the irises are gorgeous this year. I never cut back the butterfly bush so it will be huge! Lots of cleanup to do. Lots of locust tree runners to dig out - ouch.

Actually thinking of redesigning my herb garden this summer when I'll have the time.

Things at work are going swimmingly. Tiring yes but the end results are looking pretty good.  Not sure exactly how I'm going to handle the next few months because one of my area managers will be out with shoulder surgery. Guess I get to do both jobs. 

My daughter's birthday was this past Friday. Kept her out of school and went to the Academy of Natural Sciences to see dinosaurs. She had a pretty good time. Swear that kid can make friends ANYWHERE. She just finds a group of kids and off she goes. No hesitation. Not an ounce of shyness. Hope she keeps it as she grows up. I wasn't a shy kid but I sure didn't have as easy a time of it that she does.

I'm really looking forward to downtime that doesn't also involve sick time (like today:( ). I want my creativity back. Nothing like stress, pressure and exhaustion to make the muses toss their hands up in the air and go on strike... if they are gonna be ignored who can blame them? Not so sure I'll have the - freedom - to exercise it once I do get it back. *shrugs*  

Today I had to fire my first employee.

She was a nice girl, cute, smart as a whip but just had no hustle and that is what our business is all about. I liked her personally but the job wasn't getting done. I explain this to her and tell her 'I'm afriad I'm going to have to let you go."

The first response was why? But the second absolutely took me out of left field like a sucker punch... she asked if I was firing her because she was gay.

O_O

Obviously she doesn't know me. As a matter of fact I had to quell the urge to change my mind on the spot and give her a third/fourth/fifth chance. Reverse bias I guess. I had no clue this girl was gay. I had no idea her girlfriend worked at the same store. And honestly, what does that have to do with her work performance? I had no clue and seriously don't even NEED one when it comes to employing someone. What she does off the clock is none of my business.

So, I still feel sick about it. Like someone kicked me in the gut. Big tough manager I am.

She said ...'I'm gay." And I look directly at the lanyard she hangs her name tag from and put the obvious together - she wears a rainbow pouch on the end of it. It wasn't blatantly a 'gay pride' design but I am well aware of the symbolism. I seriously cared so little about it in context that I never would have bothered to place it as a 'gay pride' symbol.

Gah. Guess I get to incoroprate this as one of those moments that will haunt me.

Like a young cute Latino girl doesn't have enough challenges being gay and I just added unemployment to her list. *sigh*

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Stolen from the recently returning hometarot_card

You Are a White Tiger

You have a strong individualistic streak. You are unique and outspoken. You have firm ideas of right and wrong. You will stand up for your unpopular beliefs with pride. You believe that learning the truth is important. Even if it's ugly, uncomfortable, or awkward. You give it to people straight, and you expect them to do the same. You can't stand ambiguity of any kind.

Still not sure the how this one works  but

ginnyvos  insists so here it is:

Marry, Shag or toss of a Cliff

Comment and I'll give you three anime hotties to place into one of those catergories. Post in your journal with a pic and tell us why.

(not my sorta thing but what the hell...) 

( Lame Ass Cut )

I have been entirely consummed by my job. I think I'm pulling 90 hour weeks. I'm tired. I'm metally exhausted and the plants have just begun to arrive. I think the plant part is going to be the easy part. Have I mentioned that  I hate management?

I wish I had something witty and entertaining to write about but I honestly feel lucky if I can still string two sentences together. And I have so many snippets of ideas I'd like to sit down and develop. I wrote a page and a half of a Brad/Schu tale and it is utter garbage. Stress is no friend to creativity - thats for sure.

Ideas waiting in the wings:
Schwarz centric WK fic - Brad/Schu with the addition of Axel  - yeah - Kingdom Hearts Axel - don't laugh too hard...
cyberpunk/fantasy epic - OC's with lots and lots of redheads
my long lost demon twins - incubus and succubus - a 20 year old bunny with very long fangs
Brad/Aya - dacryphilia is turning into one of my Brad's favorite fetishes, and redheads - always redheads

Maybe I need a good round robin to suck my head out of the mundane once again. I actually have this fear of being out of my fantasy/ creative mode. This is one reason why I still believe that creativity is a curse or perhaps more like a mental illness. Creativity is demanding. And people in general have no idea what is like to have it turned on perpetually. When you are used to that, losing it feels like a lobotomy. My brain is currently numb and bored and severely cranky that I am forcing it to do such mundane work day in and day out. I just hope that when the crunch is over at work that my creativity returns... without it being vindictive.

It's a jealous lover.

I swear the only thing I think I'll be posting here is memes...

From the lovely and well intentioned ginnyvos :

( 19 questions )

My presentation went extremely well yesterday. Turns out I was paired up with one of our vendors that I had briefly met last season. The presentation was a training thing with 6 round robin sessions so we had to do the same thing 6 times. Anywho - he seemed real impressed with my presentation mannerisms, my passion for the job, yadda yadda... I tend to say thank you and not hear that sorta stuff.

The owner of my company swings by midday, and talks with this vendor guy. Turns out vendor guy has known my owner for 30 years and vendor guy is the one who introduced him to the connections to get our company into the big orange box in the first place. Basically, I was shooting the shit with the guy who made my job possible. Vendor guy was so impressed he suggested that I be the spokesperson for the company at these sorts of functions.

Fate is such the trickster...

Most people would be ecstatic about this kind of thing. Me - I'm not only leery but downright scared. Whenever something really really good happens to me, something equally bad happens to balance it out - like, almost immediately.

Knock on wood for me. Cross your fingers. Say a prayer. Premission granted to cast a good luck spell on my behalf.  I'll take it all gratefully. I really wish I was more of an optimist but I know I honestly believe I am simply a realist. I react based on my experience. If more good things happened I'd be more prone to believe that they didn't all come with a catch. And in the past few months I have been EXCEEDINGLY lucky already.

Oh, somebody just kick my angsting ass already...

Been peeling myself away from the computer and work the last week or so. I'm just way too stressed out since last week. Weird thing is I don't even think it was MY stress. Ever feel like other people somehow push their stress onto you - sorta like reverse psychic vampires? I think my one boss is one of those. Anyway, been shaking it off the past few days.

Well, with so much to do, time flies, ya know? Tomorrow I have to get up in front of 800 people, some of which I vaguely know and give the same talk I did last week. I'm strangely not worried about it at all. I'm more worried about getting up at 4:45am. I'm am soooo not a morning person. That's not even the asscrack of dawn... that's still nighttime...

Hn.

Association meme once again. Thank the lovely and love struck aki_jade :

( brad and schu and vampires... oh my...  )